“Reality just hit you in the face”

…. now, for many this saying passes through their lips on a regular basis, for one small hurdle in life or anohter. However, there are many times when I think people, myself included, take advantage of said saying and apply it to the everyday troubles, obstacles, and situations that are just plain life. Granted, no one said life was supposed to be easy; yet another saying.

Many times in life we think the “reality” of a situation is just hitting us in the face, when we were actually very aware, on a more sub-concious level , of the situation all along. There is a very fine line between being aware of the situation and refusing to acknowledge it, for which the old saying does not apply, and actually having reality hit you in the face… as I said, I believe people abuse the saying way to often as an excuse for simply refusing to accept the situation that they are in fact very much aware of.

The inspiration for the above little tyrant that I felt compelled to spill out through words came to me just today when I was actually struck by the reality of my own given situation, which I will not delve into in the iterests of sticking to the topic. However, it does provide food for thought to many who are simply looking for an excuse as to why they avoided accepting the truth that they were so aware of the whole time…

So… the next time you feel the need to apply the above saying as a light excuse to your avoidance of whatever situation you find yourself in, think first and ask yourself if reality really is just hitting you in the face, or did you simply avoid accepting it as it stood before you all along…

Now, before said reader starts to think to much about the statement above and wonder what exactly I am trying to say, simply apply the statement to any certain event in your life.

For example, we are going to college with the goal in mind (a.k.a. the end of the road) of graduating… how often do we stop to just absorb and enjoy what it is we are learning instead of just chalking it up to one step closer to the end of this particular road.

Another example could be the infamous “21″ that we all try to reach earlier than we should… what is so wrong with 17, or even 13… how often do we enjoy those moments that we have during those precious years, rather than rushing to try to grow up….

An even simpler example would be to examine a typical date… you spend the entire evening wondering how it will end…will you like the person that you are out with at the end of the date, will he/she try to kiss you, will he/she want to see you again… you wonder throughout the entire evening as to what the end of this road will bring… rather than just enjoying the ride…

Now… the even funnier part to every one of the examples that I have listed above is that each of them has one thing in common… once we reach the end of each of those roads, we all, at some point and time, wish that we could go back and do it again, or experience some point along the journey again… wether it was that one class in college, that one crazy night camping when we were 19, or even that first sweet touch of hands on the first date you went on with your significant other…

Now, reality has made it impossible to go back in time; at least it has for now… so the best advice that can be given to all of these sweet wishes is to simply enjoy the ride down whatever road it is you are traveling and quit trying to get to the end so fast… because once you reach the end that’s it… and you can’t go back again… so enjoy the ride and don’t worry about the end until you actually get there….

People come up and talk to the girl they haven’t seen in forever, asking her questions about her family that she herself can not even answer… and in turn she asks questions about this person or that… and each answer drives another knife into her…

She accepts the offer to dance, and her feet stick to the hardwood floor she once glided across… sweet smiles she once offered those around her have turned into sad glares of self-revelation, and with that last spin she grabs her purse and leaves behind that part of herself, never to try to find it again.

Last night I went somewhere that held what little has been left of my past with my family and the girl that I used to be… I guess for just one moment I wanted that simpler time in my life, and I went looking for it in the one place I could always find it…

However, the world never stops changing, whether you want it to or not, and that includes you. I’ve changed in ways that I can not reverse, and though they are good, to an extent they hurt b/c I can’t get back certain aspects that held what little parts of my past that I have left.

So I guess the best thing I can do is to accept that that part of my life is over and move on… which can be easier said than done. But, it still must be done, just as learning this next life lesson.

You can’t go looking for your future in your past, and when you do all you will feel is disappointment, bitterness, and even regret if for a while you do… your past is your past for a reason… it should be something you learn from, grow from, remember, but in the end leave it right where it is…. in your past…

When a person gets out of a relationship, by nature they automatically associate all the bad things that were said and done to them with the entire opposite sex. Now, usually this goes on for a couple of weeks or months, then the person gets over it and relaxes.

However, there are those few who get “stuck in the past.” Without realizing it, they hold those negative feelings in and never let them go… I think this might be where your typical man/woman haters come in… and I will admit to being one of those.

You see, we were having a conversation, and I said something about that being the typcial male… and it set him off… he went on a tyrant, telling me all these things I do that aren’t fair to him… and he was right.

I hate admitting that one, but I realized to an extent I have been acting like a hypocrite, and that kills me. I preach night and day about not judging people and all that, but then I realized that I was doing that myself with men… I never give any of them a chance and automatically tag them all with the same traits, actions, etc., which is totally unfair.

I know I pride myself on my individuality, and when I though of how angry I would get to have a person putting qualities and characteristics to me just b/c I was a woman, I couldn’t believe how unfair I was being.

So if you are a man or woman hater, read this carefully and just think for a minute. I mean, it was hard for me to admit that I was doing it, and even harder to stop once you realize how much you do it… which for me is pretty much all the time in reference to any man who might even be remotely interested in me….

So just stop and think about that one… I myself am now a working progress… granted, it is a slow progress, but there is progress nonetheless…

The exact titles for these three faces vary depending on each person, but for me they can best be described through the world of astrology. Now, even if you do not necessarily believe in astrology, ignore the actual titles and focus on what the definitions for these three “faces” say. Whether in reference to astrology, psychology, philosophy, etc, these three basics in essence are the foundation in any explanation of humanitys’ nature.

The first of these faces can best be described as one’s persona mask, or the side of an individual’s personality that they present to others. It can best be described as  the first impression we make on those we meet. Often times, if people’s description of you seems off it is because the only side of you, or the only face, they have seen is this one. It’s the image facing outward, and most often represents how you want yourself to be seen by others, though it is often not who you really are. For example, if you are shy but always make yourself be the life of the party, that would be an example of said face.

The next of these faces is called an individual’s sense of self, or the characteristics that he/she uses in dealing with life and all the situations it presents. This face is your essesence, who you perceive yourself to be, and the characteristics you use to present this image of yourself. However, though this is your sense of self, this cannot be miscontrued to be paralleled with this actually being who you really are.

There is still one more to the faces of humanity, and this one is quite possibly the most important of the three. Within this face lies all that we are… it represents our inner being. It represents all of our inner emotions and feelings that portray us from within. It indicates how we express our nurturing instinct and the style of immediate emotional-feeling response to experiences. This face holds within it our deepest hopes, our darkest fears, our most inner thoughts that we wish for no one, sometimes not even ourselves, to know exist. However, it is this face that dictates more than even we are aware of, for though we rarely  let it surface, it is still always there. 

Each of these faces is both part of who we are and part of the facade that we present to others. Woven and intertwined, these three faces make up the basic humanistic nature of mankind. 

The sad part was, there was a girl before me with a similar case. The only difference was that the label she wore into the courtroom,  sporting her nose and eyebrow ring with a pac sun motif, didn’t suit the judge and she was forced to pay her ticket.

It brings to mind the sad, but unchanging, standard of society, which is labels. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, or exactly what type of label is in demand; there is always a label being put upon a person. To an extent, this is humanties way of comprehending their situation and categorizing information. However, it has been taken above and beyond that point today, and has been for centuries. We are at a point with labels now where we will look at a person and classify them soley by what we see.

For example, people ask you what religion you are. They automatically want to put you in the category of Jew, Baptist, Buddhist, Christian, Athiest, or any other labeled denomination. If you were to look at someone and say you were a religion combining Jewish beliefs with those of both Catholic and Christianity, they would look at you as if you were insane.

And this blog is by no means focusing only on relgious categories. When you look at someone, you automatically do your first classification; human or animal. By human nature, this makes sense. Next you ask whether they are a man or woman, which is understandable. Then you go a step further and wonder at their ethnicity, which is again pretty natural, though it shouldn’t really matter. The next step leads you into taking in their hair, their clothes, their makeup, and just their appearance in general.

From this point you go on to determine whether they are punky, sporty, preppy, gothic, hippy, etc. You go from this category on to the list of typical adjectives used to describe said categories and decide whether they are prissy, funny, depressed, happy, etc.

Before you know it, you have summed up someone you have no idea about. Now, there is a slight chance that there is still some small degree of openness deep inside you that is willing to let this person express their own identity through the one true tell-tale method… talking. However, for most situations the classifications are made even before a word is spoken, and the remainder of the encounter will be based on that pre-determined judgement.

It is sad, aggravating, and a bit sick that we have become so pre-determined when it comes to our fellow man. That so many judge one based on outward appearance, and it is overall accepted as a basic fact of life at this point, which is even sadder.

Take me for example. One day you will see me in a flowy, long skirt with a tie dye shirt on; I’ll be underneath a tree writing or reading. You automatically would label me an artist, or maybe a hippy. For most, not for even once moment would they let it cross their minds that by nightfall I will be wearing dark makeup, my hair will be wild, metal will protrude from my face, and my body will be slamming against others at a Metallica concert…

The fact that the possibility of that happening would not even cross most minds is sad, but true.

So here is your challenge; the next time you see anyone, for example, a boy in a car with his hat turned around and his car vibrating to obscure lyrics that say “Bitch, get out tha way,” don’t automatically assume thug. Yes, for many that would be the genuine classification, if you live by those, but that boy could very well be the valedictorian at his school. You honestly just don’t know, so stop yourself from deciding that you know him before you do…and just give him a chance to speak and identify himself for you.

But as the years pass by the puppy eyes turn to those of a doe, cute faces take on a new sexual appeal, and even our bodies go from cute to descriptions of a whole different game… and so do the offers thrown our way.

No longer do you have family members giving you candy and toys, but rather you have dates buying you chocolates, or maybe a flower or trinket. Rather than being told you are just too cute you get told by this person or that person that you are just too damn sexy, or that your are just so hot. You get stares that seem to take every stitch off without a piece of clothing moving, you see eyes travel from your head to your toes, and through it all you have to learn that that cute little girl is no longer what is being stared at. Furthermore, you have to learn how to handle yourself when things like this happen, which for each person is different.

Then it goes a step further… you get that first job offer in a field that you want to work in so bad you’d think you would do anything to get it. You’re at your piece of crap job, working for tips in a smoke filled room full of wicked comments and roaming eyes, and suddenly a distinguished man grabs your arm and asks for a drink.

You serve it up, and naturally start to converse back when he talks to you, because that is your job. He asks you all the typical questions, and for just a moment you feel alive as you touch upon your dream… to be a writer. Then your dream is spun before your eyes as he offers you a job working for his paper.

Your mind spins at the chance to at least live your dream a little, and when he asks for your number you don’t think twice… you don’t even stop to wonder how he knew you could write, or that he’d want to hire you without seeing your work. Quickly you disregard the thought and wait for his call.

The first comes through, and he suggests you meet for coffee to discuss your job. You go, everything goes great, except you notice that his hand keeps brushing against yours, and his eyes sometimes stare for just a bit too long. But again, you want this dream so badly… so you ignore it.

Then he calls you late at night, saying he is bored and just wants to talk. Your gut starts giving off those little warning pangs, but you tell it to shut up and hold a twenty minute conversation, just hoping he is trying to establish a good camadrie.

Your next phone call comes a couple of days later. He doesn’t ask you about the article you are supposed to start working on, or give you any more information pertaining to the job, but instead invites you to dinner with him. Now you are getting worried, and all those little doubts start going from a dull whisper to a loud yell; you turn it down, making up some lame excuse.

He calls the next day, and you quickly jump  into discussing the article, which he just as quickly dismisses and then asks you to a movie. As you sit on that phone, hearing something about movie times, you watch the first blocks you had begun to build your dream on crumble to the ground, and numbly you ask how  he knew to hire you without seeing your work.

He goes dead silent on the other end for a minute, then says it doesn’t matter how good you are because he can fix whatever you write to make it work. With that, the last block shatters and you tell him you no longer feel as if this is a good job for you right now, then proceed to tell him to have a nice evening and hang up the phone.

You stare into a mirror, looking into those pretty features that can no longer pass for a cute little girl and realize you are staring at one more hurdle you have to overcome to reach your dream, and it’s staring right back at you.

According to the Love Triangle View you have one of three options when it comes to your love life. You are either a.) with someone, b.) have someone you are trying to “get with”, or c.) are recently getting out of a relationship with someone. Now, at first I never really noticed this ongoing pattern that rules many of our lives, but then recently it came to my attention exactly how much of a pattern it is for so many.

What made me realize this whole pattern initially was when I got together with a huge group of friends for a “girls night out.” Well, we did all your typical things, including camping out infront of the tv at the end of the night and pigging out on food and gossip.

As the chips and various topics of conversation were thrown about, we landed upon the ever present relationship statuses. Well, naturally almost everyone was either talking about her crush or her boyfriend or her ex… then one girl was asked how she was doing and she said “I’m doing great; just really busy with school and work.” This statement was followed by her late answer of “No, I am not seeing anyone right now, and no I don’t like anyone right now.”

The room went semi-silent, with only the occasional comment of “liar,” “yeah right,” or “umm… ok….” greeting her. This was followed by a parade of questions asking if she was ok, how she felt, had her ex come back, etc… you get the idea.

Well, that girl was me, and frankly it brought something very startling to my attention; I have always either been with a guy, liked a guy, or had just got out of a relationship with a guy. Also, I know that, until recently, if someone would have said that to me I always thought that they were either depressed, lying, or just being secretive.

Now why is that? Are we so insecure with being alone today that we constantly make it a point in our lives to have someone. Even if it’s just a bed buddy, someone to chase away the lonely night, the point is most people are always in some kind of relationship, whether it be a budding friendship leading into more or settling down to just eachother.

I just feel that at this age having someone should be the least of our concerns. Now granted, if  you have someone that is great, but if you don’t it is far from the end of the world, and furthermore it shouldn’t make you feel the need to find someone. 

 I never thought it was such a big deal until I did a backtrack and realized how many times I let that need to find someone, or be with the person I was with, interfere with more important things. Now that I have a job demanding at least 40 hours a week and plus school full-time, I don’t have time for anyone. It has made me learn to function without that knowledge of having someone, or at least a crush, which I did not realize how dependent I was upon that.

For example, I remember now that if I didn’t hear from my crush, it was a bad day… if I did, it was a great day… now why is that? I suppose this is just one more step on that ladder of growing up that I’m taking now, and for each person it is different. However, it is still something to think about… ask yourself, if you aren’t with someone, do you know how to be alone. More importantly, have you ever been alone; and by that I mean no nothing, not even a crush to occupy your thoughts. 

If you haven’t, all I have to say is you are missing out on a whole other side to life. With the lack of constant thoughts going towards someone else you focus more on yourself, and you realize exactly how much you are missing out on by putting so much energy into someone else, which many people do. I mean, let’s be honest, how many people have at some point gone out of their way just to run into a crush or an ex… and for what???

All I am saying is that this pattern rules so many people’s lives without them even being aware of it… I know it did mine… so take a step back and just think about it…